Title: Goodbye, Goodnight, For Good
Genre: Angst, Drama, Smut
Bands/Pairings: The GazettE; Ruki/Uruha [slight Uruha/Aoi]
Disclaimer: I don't own the sexy Gazemen..
Warnings: MxM, Sex, Sadness.. Overall fail
Summary: Ruki and Uruha live in the same town, live in the same apartment complex, and work at the same place but how close do they really get? And do they stay that close? One night will change it all. Uruha's POV
Comment: I’m in such big trouble right now.. sooo this might be my last update for a while. I hope not –crosses fingers-
‘He loves me?’
My mind had begun to spiral downwards and all I could see at the end of the tunnel was Ruki. “But.. but why do you only tell me this now?” I choked out, barely able to make clear sentences through the emotions swelling up in my throat. I didn’t know whether to be happy, mad, or sad. I was so confused. My head began to ache and I closed my eyes against the pain, and waited for the other man to answer my question. All of my previous questions had been forgotten, and only this one remained. I needed an answer for this one. It was imperative that I get an answer this time..
I looked back at the man standing before me. My eyes traced every feature of his face, from his angular eyes to his soft lips. They were pressed into a thin line as he thought, his eyes closed as he searched for something to say. An answer to my question was what I was hoping for, and I got one, but it wasn’t what I expected.
“Uruha.. I’ve loved you all along. I.. I just didn’t want to complicate things. After we had sex I didn’t think I could stand the sight of you. I wanted you even more with every passing day, but I had to resist. If I had acted on my urges I would’ve tainted you. I’m sure of it. I would’ve drug you into my world, and hurt you somehow.” His voice was raspy, as if he had been screaming, and he hung his head low. I was severely confused at this point. “How would you have hurt me?” I asked in a perplexed tone. The man before me looked harmless. He wouldn’t have hurt a fly, much less me. “If people were to find out that you were with me.. They would’ve hurt you. I couldn’t have let that happen.” Now his voice was strained as if he was remembering something from the past. “What kind of people?” My own voice was growing quieter with every question I asked. “I used to run with a rough crowd, and they didn’t really take kindly to faggots.” I flinched at the final word he uttered and frowned. “Is that what I am? A faggot?” I felt anger seep into my veins, and I knew I was overreacting, but the way he said it just made me see red. “If you’re a faggot then I am too, remember?” He sensed my anger, and he was trying his best to keep me calm, but my lack of sleep and the emotional day I had been having were catching up to me. “No I don’t remember!” Oh, I remembered perfectly well, but I didn’t want him to know that.
“Do you know how much it hurt to see you ignore me every day? Do you know the pain I went through when you just walked out on me, leaving me alone? I have suffered so much, and now for you to just show up like this and say you love me?” Tears had begun streaming from my eyes once again, but this time they weren’t from sadness, they were from anger and pain. “Uruha, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you through so much.. I just didn’t want to see you get hurt. Please forgive me. I’m begging you.” My teeth gritted together as he spoke, and I was at a loss for words. “Why didn’t you follow me? Tell me not to go? Why didn’t you do anything?” Now the pain was evident within my voice as I walked away from the doorway and towards the bed, falling face first into the mess of sheets and covers. Ruki shut the door and then climbed upon the bed next to me, the mattress springs giving out a groan of protest as he moved. I felt his soft hand upon my clothed shoulder and then I could feel his hot breath on the nape of my neck before he kissed my skin tenderly. “I wanted to chase after you. I didn’t want you to leave. I died a little every day that I didn’t see your beautiful face. I missed our morning Starbucks meets, and our casual chats at the bar, but most of all, I missed you.” I turned over onto my back and looked up at the man now hovering above me, his blonde hair circling his face in an angelic manner, and I suddenly felt wanted. I felt safe. I felt loved….
“I love you Ruki.” I said before pulling him down into a heated kiss. His lips were now eager against mine and his hands were even more impatient as they raced to remove my shirt from my torso, throwing it into the corner of the room once it was off. All I could do was smile as he looked down at me with that gorgeous smirk and that mystifying smirk. “I’ve missed you so much Uruha..” He dipped his head to my stomach, his tongue running a tender trail from my chest to my hips, placing small kisses along the way. I felt my skin begin to heat up, and I realized that Ruki had been the last person to ravish my body like this. Not another person had touched me like this in almost a year. I guess I couldn’t have bared the thought of anyone but Ruki touching me like this. It would’ve been wrong.
That night Ruki and myself made love for the first time in months. It felt so right, so liberating. I was no longer afraid of rejection, and I no longer felt pain for what I had lost. All I ever wanted was in my arms now. It felt like an eternity that we made love, our bodies’ one and passion, love and pleasure blinding us both. It was then that I felt whole again. I felt like everything was once again right with the world. But nothing could ever be right.. Never.
After we had finished our love making Ruki and I spent the last few hours before dawn catching up. We told each other stories of what had happened in the other’s absence. The funny, the painful, the sad.. We shared it all.
As it so happened he missed me just as much as I had missed him. He said that after I moved away he was so broken up that he was no longer able to tend at our bar, and Manager-san had to let him go, though he told him the job would always be available if he ever wanted it. However, Ruki decided to move to, but instead of to a small town like I had chosen, he picked a large city. He said that being alone would only cause more pain for him, and when you’re surrounded by thousands everyday there is little time to think of one particular person. It made sense, but it also got me thinking.
I hadn’t been lonely in my small town. Infact I had a wonderful person save me from the forlorn path I had been wandering. That specific person was now probably passed out downstairs at the bar, and it was my entire fault. “Ruki..” I said pulling him out of the bed we had snuggled up in. “What’s wrong?” The shorter man asked as I began slipping on my forgotten shirt and pulling up my jeans. “I have a best friend that I need to rescue.” And with that I was out the door, running down the halls of the hotel that Aoi had so generously found and paid to stay in for the night.
It wasn’t long before I found the bar, especially since it was the largest and most extravagant space downstairs besides the lobby. Rows and rows of bottles lined the shelves behind the counter, and there, with his head in his arms, I found Aoi passed out at the bar. “Does he belong to you?” The bartender said, pointing to Aoi. I simply nodded before looking to my friend. His face was weary and I could smell the vodka on his breath. “Aoi-kun.. Wake up.” I said poking his cheek like I had on the train the day before. “Uru.. my head hurts. “He mumbled and I could only smile. “It’s ok.. I’ll take care of you.” I slipped my arms under his and slid him off the barstool and I helped him back to the elevator, and eventually all the way back to the room. There I found Ruki sitting on the edge of the bed, twiddling his thumbs like a small child who had been put in timeout. “Why is he here?” Aoi slurred in a vicious tone and glared at Ruki, who I know wanted to glare back, but simply looked away. “Don’t worry about him Aoi, just get some rest. You’ll feel better in the morning. I promise.” I knew I couldn’t keep such a promise though, because when he woke up he would know that I had chosen Ruki. I really dreaded the morning, especially when I saw the sun rise over the distant horizon not thirty minutes later. “Close the curtains.” Aoi mumbled, and I complied, now saddened that my sunshine even rejected the light. What had happened?
A mere five hours later Aoi was up and about, though complaining of a throbbing headache, and I was there to nurse him back to health. It was the least I could do. Infact, it was the last thing I could do for my best friend. It had been decided that I would be staying in Tokyo with Ruki, and that Aoi would go back on the next train. I was distraught at the sudden loss of my best friend, but he urged me to stay. All he wanted was to see me happy. He said that I was smiling like never before, and that it was because of Ruki. He was right, but why did I still feel bad? Maybe it was because I still held a tender place in my heart for the raven haired man. The man who had gone from mysterious stranger to best friend in no time at all.
“Goodbye Ruki-san. Goodbye Uruha-san” Aoi bowed politely to the both of us, but I caught his elbow, pulling him up and into a hug. “I’m so sorry Aoi. I’m going to miss you dearly” I whimpered into his shoulder. He laughed quietly and I pulled away, perplexed. “I hope to see you soon. Remember, you still have a house full of possessions to clean out. Whenever you find time to clean house give me a call. I’ll come to the rescue.” His smile widened and that was the last thing I saw before he stepped onto the train. Tears pricked at my eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that day, and I raised a sleeve to my face to dab at my wet eyes. Ruki turned to me, and gave our twined fingers a light squeeze, as if to tell me that he was there, and wasn’t leaving. I looked back to him and smiled meekly, though I was happy he was by my side. “Let’s go home...” He spoke in a warm tone before leading me away from the platform, but I couldn’t help but cast a backwards glance at the train as it pulled away from the station. “I’m sorry...” I whispered as I watched the train disappear into the distance.
Note – -waits to be beaten with rocks and sharp objects- I’m sorry this is a sucky ending... I just couldn’t think of any other way to end it. I wish I could just scrap it and start over but I’m tired and this one has my full emotion in it. I like it, but I’m not quite satisfied. Ugh… Failure.. >.< Sorry I’m not in a very happy mood right now. I failed a class and now everyone is riding my back. So I had to get out this last chapter before things really went downhill (aka. Computer taken away) Please forgive me. –drags self to bed now-