Title: Goodbye, Goodnight, For Good
Genre: Crack, Angst, Crack
Bands/Pairings: The GazettE; Ruki/Uruha
Disclaimer: I don't own the sexy Gazemen..
Warnings: MxM, Aoi still making appearances, and a lack of Ruki :(
Summary:Ruki and Uruha live in the same town, live in the same apartment complex, and work at the same place but how close do they really get? And do they stay that close? One night will change it all. Uruha's POV
Comment: Wow, this week has been hectic and I’ve had no time to write. I’ve also figured out that I can’t write during school, because my writing sucks then. Dang. I have been getting a lot of ideas from my SAT words.. like I just got an idea from the word saccharine, and the widely known tentative. Hmm.. so I might incorporate a lot of those words to help me study xD
I was such an idiot.. Baka, baka, baka. I could feel his gaze burning into my back as exited the store with haste. He must’ve thought I was trying to steal something, but thieves usually didn’t pay. Atleast not the good ones.
Thankfully it wasn’t a far walk to my house. Just a little over two miles. Plus it was a sunny spring day outside. Perfect weather to clear mind with. Besides, I had a lot in my head that needed to be cleared. It had been a while since I had thought about certain things, and it felt like a fog was encroaching upon my thoughts, and all clarity was being lost. Memories loosing lucidity, and voices that I thought I would never forget slipping away from me. I was becoming scared that I was going to lose my memories, and that gave me a reason to hold onto them tighter, no matter how much pain it caused me. I never wanted to forget about my old town, about the bar I used to work at… about Ruki.
While walking back I kept my head down, barely noticing where I was going. I didn’t really mind where I was heading, though I knew my feet would lead me home eventually. Though at one point I just happened to look up and noticed a small park sitting on the corner of a street. It was a quaint little plot, and the only other person there was an elderly man sitting at a bench feeding pigeons. Not wanting to disturb him or the half crazed flock that had gathered at his feet, I walked to the small jungle gym that sat at the other end of the park.
Setting my groceries down I quickly scaled the spherical set of bars at the center of the play area, and smiled as I reached the top. Taking in a deep breath, I found a slight peace sitting there. It was so quiet, and the sun warmed my face, causing my smile to widen. Closing my eyes, I let my mind drift, and almost at once it took me back to the town I shared with Ruki. Back to a cold November night.
~“Ruki, what was your favorite thing about being a kid?” I asked as I climbed ontop of the jungle gym, barely able to see where the bars were since it was so dark. The metal was cold under my ungloved fingers, but I didn’t mind. I was having fun hanging out with my friend. Our shift at the bar had ended early and we decided to make a stop at a little park we always passed on our way to the complex. Ok it really wasn’t a planned stop; It was more of a I drug Ruki to the jungle gym and we began talking kind of thing. “Well..” His voice drifted off and I looked down at him. From what I could make of it in the darkness his face seemed thoughtful, as if he was remembering something from his childhood. “I liked being able to laugh at nothing. I also liked not having to care about so many things at once.” His voice seemed strained as he spoke and I frowned, hoping that I hadn’t made him think of any unkind memories. “You can still laugh at nothing you know. See watch.” I began laughing into the darkness, my breath trailing from my mouth as a vapor as I looked back down at him. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips and he was holding back a laugh. “But you are laughing at something.” He pointed out matter-of-factly. I tilted my head to the side, like a curious puppy. “You’re laughing at yourself.” He smirked and let out a laugh. He thought he was so funny. I just rolled my eyes and without looking I reached my hand out to grab another bar so I could climb higher and get away from the laughing hyena on the ground below me. “You’re not funny.” I said as I began to pull myself higher, but because my fingers were numb from cold, they slipped, causing me to lose my footing. All I could think about then was how much it was going to hurt when I hit the ground. Time seemed to slow and I closed my eyes, bracing myself for impact, but for some reason impact never came. Instead I felt hot breath against my cheek and I opened my eyes and saw Ruki staring back at me, his own eyes, though dim in the night, were alive with concern. “Are you ok?” All sarcasm had leaked out of his voice, and his arms were strong around me. Never before had I noticed how built he was, nor did I ever think he was strong enough to catch me. I was in shock and my heart was racing, both from adrenaline and the proximity of Ruki. His face was so close to mine, and just a few inches separated our lips. “Th..thank you.” I stammered then wrapped my arms around his neck in a slight hug. To my dismay he set my feet down on the ground and stepped back away from me. “We should probably head home. Think you can make it without tripping on a crack?” The sarcasm was back, but I didn’t care. “I can sure try.” I joked back and followed him as we left the park.~
I remember that was the night I fell in love with Ruki. He had gone from friend, to savior, to lover in such a short period of time. It went by too fast. I should’ve slowed it all down, savored it while I could.
I opened my eyes and I was taken back to the small park I sat in. Instead of being cold, it was steadily warming up. And instead of Ruki there with me, I was alone. I pulled my legs up to my chest and laid my head down on my knees. With no one to talk to I went back to thinking and soon enough I found myself thinking about why I had fled the store like I had. What about that man had made me run?
Maybe it was because the stranger staring back at me had the deepest eyes I had ever seen. One look into them had me reeling, but of course they brought back memories of Ruki. His eyes used to have that same affect on me. One look and I was swept away.
Or maybe perhaps the reason I ran was because his voice had the same depth that Ruki’s had. Smooth like silk, yet deep and slow like honey. ‘His voice…’ Again Ruki’s last words rang in my ears. I really couldn’t believe those were the last words he had spoken to me. My chest tightened as I thought about all the other things he could’ve said to me. I thought about that morning nearly nine months ago. The way his face fell as I explained what had happened.
I wrapped my arms around my knees and let out an uneasy sigh, but that didn’t stop the tears that slid down my cheeks like a soft rain.
I really thought I had gotten better since moving out here. I was falling asleep easier, keeping my emotions in check and getting out more, but I guess it was all just a matter of time before I fell apart again like I had when I first moved away.
Back then I was a wreck. I had begun to think that life wasn’t worth living if I wasn’t able to see Ruki’s face every day. It was so hard to wake up every morning knowing that Ruki wasn’t just down the hall of the complex. I had to push myself through the day, and every night I sat alone in my room, just thinking like I was now. None of it was good for me. Ruki was like a poison that was slowly eating away at my façade that I had held up every day after he left me sitting dumbfounded in my bed.
After I moved I found no reason to try anymore. So I didn’t try to convince myself to be happy. I didn’t try to have fun. It just didn’t matter anymore. I didn’t care. Though eventually I came out of my depression. I tried to notice all of the good in my life. It was only then that I was able to get out of the house that had quickly become my prison. It was then that I began to enjoy life again. I just had to stop thinking about the man who I had left my true happiness with. It was hard, but I kept myself busy day to day. Today being just one example. I had gone to the grocery store to pick up a few unneeded things just so I would stay busy, but I guess I ended up with time on my hands anyways.
So there I sat, perched ontop of a jungle gym, crying. I was glad no one but pigeon man was there to see me break down like that. It was embarrassing, but I couldn’t be bothered to stop. It felt nice to finally think about Ruki with my whole heart for the first time in months. I just knew I would have to stop at some point, and drag myself the rest of the way home. It was going to be hard, but it had to be done. It was for my own protection. I didn’t want to slip back into depression. That was the last thing I needed. But I needed this more right now. I just needed to cry and get it out of my system. Then I’d be done, once and for all. Well.. maybe not.
“Are you ok?” My breathing hitched as I heard that voice. “Ruki?” I squeaked, my voice thick from crying. “Umm.. No. My name is Aoi. Hey you’re that guy from the store.” Oh shit, he was the last person I wanted to see, especially in this state. “I..I’m fine. Just keep walking.” I said without looking at him. I didn’t want to risk looking into his eyes and getting caught in his spell. “You don’t look fine.” I heard him step closer to the jungle gym and then I felt a small vibration as he began to climb towards me. ‘Go away! Please, leave me be!’ Is what I wanted to yell at him, but I wasn’t that mean. He was just trying to be a nice guy. It wasn’t his fault I associated him with my ex best friend and love. “What’s wrong?” He said, as he sidled up next to me. I could feel his eyes on me and it made me shiver in the warm sun. “It’s nothing.” I said lifting my head from my knees and wiping away the remaining tears. Now I really wanted to go home. “Oh come on. That’s not nothing.” He said pointing to the moisture on the back of my hand from the tears and then looked up into my red rimmed eyes. I did my best to quickly look away, as not to fall under his spell again. “It’s just.. I’m thinking about someone.” I was going to have to tell him, or otherwise he would never leave me alone. He just seemed like that kind of person.
“Do you really want to know what’s wrong?” I asked, my voice still thick. He curtly nodded and turned to face me, his expression full of curiosity. I couldn’t believe I was about to basically tell my life story to a complete and total stranger. But it would be nice to no longer be alone with my problems, though I never condoned putting your problems on another’s shoulders, but I was tired of be weighed down. So then I told him everything..
“I’m really sorry.” He said, leaning closer to me so he could pat me on the back. I should’ve been worried that a stranger was invading my personal space, but I got the feeling that he wouldn’t be a stranger for much longer. Especially now that he knew about Ruki.
After I had finished crying Aoi offered to walk me home. He was the nicest person I had met in the longest time, and he even carried my groceries. He tried to cheer me up with silly jokes, and a few times I would chuckle lightly, but I was stuck in a hole that I had just dug myself, and I was struggling to rise from it, but Aoi did his best to reach in and pull me free, and that much I thanked him for.
Note - Ok.. so this chapter is so scattered about and ugh. I really have no energy to fix it though. I'm just ready to start the next chapter. So, sorry for the random jumps and overall suckiness. I'll try harder next time :) But again I thank everyone who commented.. I reall appreciate all of it.
Oh and the ~ are Uruha's memories.. if that was unclear.